hellolostsheep

today, i had lunch with sam, marcus and juni, and i realied how damn long it's been since i actually sat down and talked to them, i asked sam how long he's been in army for and he said "one year plus" and i was just like, are you kidding me? how come time flies so fast, i guess i'm just too wrapped up in my own little world where school eats me up and i forget that there is life outside rj.

i actually feel like it hasn't been that long since it was just us, sitting in the st nicks canteen mugging till late almost every night, and having so much fun even though we had O levels to study for. how come studying now seems like the most painful thing in the world, and when we study we have try not to talk, we only feel happy when we've finished like ten thousand topics, but we're still stressed, we still have more. if this is what growing up feels like, can i please just not?

i suddenly feel so miserable because if i think about it, this year's just going to be more studying, except it'll be getting progressively worse, i don't know how i'm going to keep this up because i feel so frustrated whenever i study, i feel like it's never enough, i'm not going to do well because something just screws up on that day, like i forgot to study smt, not enough practice, i'm freakingout cos i'm scared, blah blah blah the list goes on. as i said the other day, my idea of a good day for me right now would be one where i get to lie on the bed, eat chocolate and watch tv :) heehee

anyway i was reading some stuff online which got me thinking,
i've known someone for quite sometime now i guess, and yet, i still feel like i don't truly know that person, but i really hope that by the end of the year, we'll have something more, i guess, to take away from this school that's just, too smart for me.

anyway, i can't wit for wednesday, i'm going to see my bffs so i'm just rly excited :))))
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&i just got a call from malaysia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D heehee
 

i miss:

the times when i could just meet my friends for dinner without worrying about schedules and schoolwork and stuff like that

the times when i had trng at the astro, and then after trng we'd go to the Corner and talk and drink out of fruit juice cartons and look at the stars
 
the times when everything was fine for you, for us, that optimism, the feeling that Life was Good

things are still good, in a different way i guess, but my heart aches for these things that i miss.

&,
seeing you spread yourself too thin and watching you struggle through all the different things you have to do, just kills me inside, but i just smile, say take care, and save you as (: DON'T NAG, because it makes things worse and you don't have time for any of that.
i can only pray. 

we are so fragile, &our cracking bones make noise. we are just breakable, breakable, breakable boys and girls. -Ingrid Michealson

Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus soon i am xcited for it (((: it looks so goooooood. also xcited for CNY, because my grandma's house just got Wii, so there'll be fun stuff to do instead of, you know, sitting around YAY.
not very xcited for vday though, i bet its going to be crowded out and i hate crowds.

 

1. weddings are beautiful :)) serene&linus' was.
2. my econs essay, which i just churned out in 40 minutes, is complete and utter nonsense.
3. small problem 1 + small problem 2 + small problem 3 + ...+ small problem 1001 = Big Problem, probably bigger than just one big problem, you know what i mean? and that's what i'm afraid of.
4. i had pasta at that rly awesome japanese pasta restuarant for dinner today and it is RLYRLYRLYGOOD and i am going back there again someday.
5. i am broke. i hate the feeling, makes me insecure. like you know, if something bad happens and i need money, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

oh and by the way, sunday school was just plain bad today, all the kids walking all over me because i am like so totally not the respect-commanding kind, i was yelling "LISTEN TO ME" "PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW" "THOSE WHO GET THE MOST POINTS TODAY GET A CHOCOLATE" but guess what, i might as well have been talking to the wall.

but the kids were comical too, me and juni were secretly laughing at them because they were secretly hilarious, but they couldnt know that obviously.

say something sweet, cause all we have is a night we can't keep and can't get back
and it's falling out from underneath our feet

how could you ever pretend
when it doesnt feel a damn thing like the end?

safe from anything that you might feel
safe from anything that's just too real
safe from anything i do
i'm sorry that you said it's through


I LOVE THIS SONG


i've got econs tuition 2hours later >:( SO IRRITATING. &today, i don't think anyone else i know is going. but after that, OG DINNER! :D we have 12 people and maybe even plus the OGLs which is vv awesome yay cant wait.
jo's birthday party was fuuuuuuuuuuun everyone started dunking each other like mad and i ate excessively as usual. :D

\

i have this horrible, really really bad feeling about this year, i don't want to take my A levels, i don't want to memorize huge chunks of bio, and i have like zero confidance about coping with all the schoolwork in RJC. like i really want to curl up in a corner and die whenever i think of A levels, i'm like THIS afraid.
&after A levels, we'll all be gone on our seperate roads, and facing even tougher decisions. you know, if this is what growing up is like, i'd rather not, because i'm lousy like that. ):

i know i'm supposed to trust God, but nowadays i feel like i need something more than Say A Little Prayer To Jesus And You'll Be Fine. but you know, i guess i have no other choice because it definitely isn't sufficient to lean on my own strength.